My truth is that I’m not the bad guy, you’re just an idiot who’s been wasting my time and energy.
I’m an idiot, too for entertaining it trying to see it from your point of view when I should have just focused on taking care of myself and never helped you. I don’t even get turned on by you anymore. That was your goal and congrats.
You didn’t make any effort to help me get relaxed, happy and horny. You’ve gotten what you wanted and now I have to find what I need elsewhere. You’d rather get cucked and cucked you will be because I can’t trust you, rely on you or even relax with you here. I’m not a villain for wanting someone who gets a boner for me or does bare minimum. You’re the asshole for taking me for granted and keeping me weird and frantic and having to go elsewhere for love I deserve.
Tf am I going to do with a man waiting till I’m 69 to help turn me into a better Instagram model. I want someone who makes me want to get out of bed and out of my head.
If you can’t get a boner for me or make me feel happy, relaxed or good about myself I don’t want you.
I’ve done more than enough. I’m not the bad guy. I don’t want to be this overloaded. It’s supposed to be fun to help me. These are supposed to be the sexiest years of my life. I don’t need anyone who makes me think differently, not even want to brush my hair or get dressed up. This weird, silent purgatory where you want to convince me I’m a roommate is not doing it for me. I want mister slaves, a trip to Disney and to relax. Not whatever this uncomfortable thing we have is. I want to be one of those girls getting awards, encouraged to write + be an activist and not worrying about sheckles. You’re the only person who tells me my writing is trash and I don’t need, deserve or want that. Idk how you could actively discourage me from writing poems when it’s one of the only things keeping me mentally healthy enough to keep going without enough help. You’re insane for taking all of this for granted. I’m not a villain for asking for help. I’m tired of writing these essays online and being dry from cognitive dissonance and feeling so ugly because you refuse to tell me I’m beautiful. What the fuck am I doing being with you or taking care of you for when you do less than bare minimum.
I’m happy I made enough rent for next month but I don’t want to live month to month anymore while you get to pursue a degree and job that gives you health insurance, dental insurance and 401k and all those things I don’t have. I can’t waste my time on losers anymore. I need help making sure I’m mentally safe and strong and I’m not a monster or a villain for asking for help to keep me safe and strong.
One day, im going to get what I need and ask for and you’re going to wish you helped me take photos from behind at a downward angle. Im not the villain for being willing to put a dick in my mouth and take pictures of it so that one day I can have 7 parks around the world or at least a small home with a yard and be able to have a family that will love me.
Beta/cuck minions: make dating profiles (as persuasive as you think and show me what you think is the best way to present me, I’m challenged in this area.) for me for research purposes and see how long you last until we get banned. Find me people worth dating and make notes of what it’s like to be me/be a woman/what people are truly like.. I can’t be choosing my guys/girls for me. I need a vetting process and guideline I would give to my own sister or daughter if I had one. I have a lot to learn and I’d like to do better for myself and all the people following me.
Last time I had tinder gold or plus or whatever it is I hit 10k (potential) matches and got overwhelmed with the info. ( i was so shocked I didn’t swipe right on anyone or barely anyone. When I didn’t respond I got reported or maybe I didn’t swipe right often enough and I got banned. I’m picky on attractiveness and slow to turn on, that’s not a crime. If ur bad at this ur gonna see how challenging/frustrating it is to be a hot girl. All the hottest girls I know are banned on dating sites and in similar cutoff situations. ) i kinda wish I had an older sister or mommy that taught me a little more but I have you guys. I’m not sure what to look for and I haven’t had enough dates to know what’s good standard. If you’ve taken women on nice dates, I’d love to hear your single life experiences. I know I should take it very slow and learn to be friends first. Idk if I’ll ever step out for a date but my minimum is that they don’t smoke and make as much or more than I do so I don’t get worried and play mommy for people who don’t deserve it. I want to be taken care of and given an easy, stress free and soft life.
I’m gonna see if I can get more phones/phone numbers and emails so I can figure all this out.
I give up on seeing Chad as more than he really is and I’m starting the new year intent on taking care of myself.
These should have been the best years of my life, living life stress free with someone/several people in my life willing to do more than bare minimum and putting me in situations where I get mad or frustrated from lack of help. I can’t mentally be with someone who’s making me wait 3 years to get real help. Are you waiting till I’m 50 to help turn me into a successful model? It’s not rocket science to help me take photos from behind or help me make gym tik toks.
It’s supposed to be fun and sexy to play Instagram husband or be my helper to make of content. I don’t want to live another day not wanting to get out of bed and living this pressed because you want to pretend I’m lazy even though I’ve proven over and over and over again this is a real job and it takes more than 1 person or else my mind gets in a place where it shouldn’t be.
If he wanted to help he would have by now.
It is what it is and there’s no point in wasting more time and energy on potential. Enjoy your year without my help because you should have helped me 3 years ago.
Happy Chinese New Year!
If you’ve faltered from your self-loving path since the new year, here’s your sign to restart. ♥️
Sending you all of my blessings and wishing for only pure, good things to happen to you from now on. Let go of all things that don’t serve you today and know that you deserve all the positive moments you will experience from here on out. 🐰
Nothing humbles me like watching The Walking Dead.
There’s just enough darkness and reality to remind me to stay at home (essentially) alone and keep people at an arms distance (kinda). I prefer to keep souls and voices around that are willing to submit to me cuz it feels safer and easier to mentally carry that way. Some people have gotten too comfortable and entitled where I felt I was in danger from the pages and pages and pages they’ve written to me and I’d like to be safe and kept at an adoring distance. I guess that’s why I prefer the god/goddess roleplay.
I like learning from the family and human interactions and relationships from the show.
I need to do more.
Watching American tv shows, movies, reading books and all have really shaped who I am. My parents didn’t really talk to me growing up unless it was… to be unkind so I have a lot to learn. I don’t blame them cuz that’s how they were raised… cuz they come from a country where love isn’t really fostered or allowed to thrive. That’s what I tell myself anyways. I know there’s a lot of loving Asian families, but I’d like to blame countries they come from and their heartless leaders if that’s okay with everybody.
The real world is quite scary and it’s time for me to do more as well. I just gotta be able to let enough of the voices trail away so I don’t imagine so many people and body parts flying around my head. Idk if that makes sense. I’ve gotten kinda quiet and ??? From reading a lot of peoples private thoughts and even if half of them are kind, it’s still a lot to process. I’m sorry to everyone I’ve been unkind to when I’ve taken in too many voices that were not good for me. (Not sorry to the ones that deserved it tho.)
Im apologizing to Chad tomorrow. It’s kind of a miracle he’s still here after I’ve tried to connect with other people and he’s also the only one who’s stuck around. …Idk if it’s cuz of the free rent or low rent but I’m gonna pretend he cares about me for now. I haven’t always been fair or calm and that must have been frightening for him as well. I’m 5 feet tall and I scare this 6 foot 6 man who’s trying to live a normal life and get his ish together. I don’t blame him for not being able to get a boner for me. There have been times I’ve been more toxic than venom and it does take a strong and big person to be able to take me in. I’ve had so much going on that I’ve been selectively mute till it’s too late or too much to handle. It’s also not his responsibility to help me and I should reach out more to other people if I could find any. I’ve also been afraid to connect with a lot of my minions.
I put myself in his shoes and idk if I’d be able to adore me as I am now. I’d understand his resentment. I’m not always consistent and I don’t get to function the same as other people. If my roommate was an Instagram model and his job was to be best friend to a bunch of girls and guys I’d probably be kind of upsetti spaghetti 🍝 as well. I’ve been unfair at times from pressure of everything online and I should take time to clean up and organize more at home. I just feel like I can’t even see or think straight from the amount of info I’ve been taking in. As soon as I see someone I’m scared of commenting on any of my social media I disappear. I shouldn’t have raised my voice when I have sometimes. I should write out my needs and things to be done and communicate them to more people than just him, give him time to process it and then see if it’s something within his boundaries.
If you saw our interaction on Mai Hero you can see there’s nothing really to worry about. Im apologizing to him tommorrow. I have always thought I was offering him an incredible opportunity. He thought ive been trying to make him my Bitch. I should summon some more Venus and be a little kinder outside of offering him food and shelter. I’m sure he wants to be human, too.
#cindymoon #blog #diary
( TMI time again) Sometimes, I get frantic in my head when I’ve been alone for too long.
When I think about where I was a few years ago with my ex hubs (that was a r Kelly type villain) that I was married to for a minute… this isn’t so bad. Am I being delusionally positive? He does come back and not leave me alone which means a lot to me. I’m not sure what’s best for me.
If I have to choose between a successful but dishonest sex addict and chad…. This is safer. Am I wrong for thinking like this? I can handle someone who’s soft with mommy preferences. It’s a much better situation if I think about it. I’ll keep telling myself that until I get myself to think more calmly and stably.
I think sometimes we also both just have poor people brain, get frightened, wasn’t taught enough love and don’t know how to reassure each other. Idk, if that makes sense.
Have any of my followers ever had any success convincing someone to stop smoking cigarettes or any other addictions? Would love some soft guidance on this matter.
We didn’t make any tips so I’ll try elsewhere and if I make sheckles there I’ll come back.
I just would rather have nobody around than get set off by ciggies.
Onlyfans.com/Maihero
#cindymoon #home
I think I’m in general mad that I feel helpless with my own mess because I know ultimately it’s my fault that I currently can’t handle everything in my plate but it’s the seeing this man smoke cigarettes that really makes me blow up. I don’t know how to explain how helpless it makes me feel to watch someone I care about smoke cigarettes. He’s been chain smoking since high school and I can’t stand to watch or smell it. I don’t want him doing this to himself and he’s not strong enough to beat the addiction.
Anyways, I’m trying to minimize him so that I can’t care at all. There’s no other way. If I offered you free rent, you’re not helping me with work, ________ and you’re psssing me off with kxlling urself with cigarettes then you’re just shortening your stay. I can’t afford to get this pressed. You’d rather pay 600 in rent to smoke cigarettes…. I don’t even know what to think or do with you. Whatever. Fuck you. I don’t have time for this.
New friend to talk to: @zootedstreaming
#cindymoon #diary #blog
Streaming to get my mind off real life for a bit.
He drove off and I’m fine with him being gone. I don’t need losers or triggers around me.
Get your shit together out of my view. I’m tired of waiting for you to be worth it when you clearly never will be.
Onlyfans.com/cindymoon7
I hope I get to date people more on my level this year.
If you can’t get a boner for me, help me post memes, sort/edit photos, retweet marvel things on Twitter, protect my mental health, screen weird stuff from my vision, just anything useful at all I can’t afford to give you my time and energy. Stop smoking disgusting cigarettes and drinking energy drinks every day. I paid for $800 worth of disgusting vape things to try and save ur life annd get u off cigarettes only for you to go back to kxlling yourself with cigarettes. I don’t need this stress.
Rough reminder that I’m not your anything. 🙂
If anyone has a nice guest room somewhere else I can hang out in to record content for a bit, let me know. Preferably Orlando, Florida. I’m mid renovations and I can’t think straight with everything going on.
Check out my hot friend! She’s a GODDESS as well and live now!
We work very hard at existing and using emotional labor 😳. I hope you like when I share exclusive insight to our world! We deserve it all! She is so beautiful, kind and easy to talk to. 🥰 I am happy to peek out of my little hole and have other beautiful gods and goddesses in my web!
Here’s to friendship. 🌹 🌐 ♥️ 🕷️ 🕸️
@zootedstreaming
